Authentic living – how to be the best version of you
Having trained as a coach almost ten years ago, last December I decided to make coaching my primary business focus and launched Jayne Lewis Coaching. 2018 has been a great year so far, I have learned so much about myself and the power of coaching to create great leaders and support entrepreneurs. My biggest learning of all has been that authenticity is at the heart of every development story – from the CEOs to the sole traders. The power that comes from understanding who we really are, our core values, and learning how to honour these values as we make choices or take difficult decisions, is what makes coaching worth the investment.
I didn’t anticipate that I would be standing up in front of a packed room at Babington House talking about what authentic living means, and how important it is that we become the best version of ourselves. As part of that workshop I shared my own professional and personal journey to a place where I feel authentic.
Many of my clients come to coaching expressing a desire to be their true selves. This desire for authenticity and fulfilment is reinforced by so many press reports about the fact that:
we are the most in debt, addicted, medicated and obese adult cohort in history
mental health issues are on the increase amongst the entire population, but especially young people
our search for perfection is reaching crazy heights, fuelled by social media.
Lots of words are bandied about in relation to authentic living – realness, being whole, in harmony, genuine, unique, in resonance. One definition I like is:
Enjoying a sense of who we really are – ourselves, natural, without a mask.
Most of us will agree with the sentiment behind these words, so why don’t we do it? It’s mainly because we are driven to fit in – at school, at work, in our families. It’s cool to be part of a group, but each person in that group will have their own unique goals and dreams, and to fulfil those we need to be ourselves.
That little word “fulfilment” is intrinsically linked with authentic living. People don’t come to coaching and say “I want a more fulfilling life”, well not in those words. They come with a vast range of career, work and life problems that they want to resolve, but underneath the majority of these specifics there is a yearning for more meaning, more purpose and satisfaction, in short – fulfilment. It may sound like semantics, but when we think about fulfilment we need to look at what it would take for us to feel fulfilled, not to have a fulfilled life. When we start to look at what we have and what we want, we start trying to fill the gap – either with things or achievements. This is a common discussion in coaching sessions, people often come to coaching looking to have a new job, a promotion, more money, a better relationship. They may work hard to fill the gap only to find that the satisfaction they feel is fleeting, the glow fades and they are left feeling as hungry as they were before. Instead, we need to look at what it would take to be fulfilled today, and everyday – not just when a goal is reached. That said – it’s still ok to want things, we just need to recognise that this doesn’t lead to fulfilment.
So is it possible to live a fulfilled, authentic life and struggle? Ross Edgley’s recent achievement completing the Great British Swim proves that it is. Despite the exhaustion, rotting tongue and bleeding neck his words ring true – “The Great British Swim has taught me time and time again that you find the most honest version of yourself in complete exhaustion”. I’m not suggesting that we need to take on challenges like this, but I recognise this sentiment – a feeling of inner peace at the same time as outer struggle; a sense of the real, raw you – that is authentic living.
At the core of creating an authentic life is discovering exactly what is important to you.
A critical aspect of our journey to authentic living is clarifying our values. It gives us a map to guide the key decisions in our lives. We spend a lifetime accumulating our own unique set of values and they influence our choices about how and where we invest our energy. So what are values?
They aren’t who we would like to be. They’re not who we think we should be. They are who we are, right now. Values aren’t morals, principles or ethics, or inherently virtuous. Values are those factors – activities, behaviours, qualities and goals – that are important for you to follow and strive for. When I think about some of the most turbulent times in my own life, when my values remained intact, the pain passed but the sense of congruency remained – my values acted as a compass, keeping my decisions authentic. At other times, when I made choices which suppressed my values, I was left feeling frustrated and dissatisfied, despite the achievement.
You may not always think about your values, but it’s important to become aware of them and consciously identify them. Taking the time to understand what really matters to you, in all areas of your life is key to feeling fulfilled. Making choices based on our values, the things that make us who we are, enables us to get those values met. Tapping into our values leads us to make clear, accountable choices. Even in situations where we feel we have no choice, we still have the power to choose how we react and behave. It enables us to let go of the perfectionism and control, to become who we really are and take responsibility for our own fulfilment.
If you would like to explore how you can identify your core values, and learn how to honour these values in the choices you make, please get in touch. I offer a free session for anybody interested in exploring how coaching can support them in their work and their life.