Creating a new path – one without holes in the road!
“Autobiography in Five Short Chapters”
by Portia Nelson
1. I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
2. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
3. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
4. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
5. I walk down another street.”
December 23rd 2018 – almost Christmas and the time of year when we start to reflect on what we have achieved in the past year. We start to look forward, and there is a lot of talk about resolutions. How can we ensure that our goals are the things we truly want, and not short lived statements that we have forgotten about by March.
It's time to think about new paths, goals that we are really passionate about, committed to making a reality, and driven to do the hard work that will make the change worthwhile.
Last year a friend gave me a book and inside was a beautiful, postcard sized, bookmark with the attached poem on it.
Portia Nelson’s poem struck a real chord with me. My coaching is rooted in the ethos of Co-active Coaching (CTI) – based on the belief that the client is naturally creative, resourceful and whole; absolutely capable of finding their own answers to the challenges they face. I regularly refer to the hooks and triggers which lead clients to behave in certain, often habitual, and sometimes unhelpful ways.
When I think about my coaching approach, the “holes in the sidewalk” of the poem represent the unhelpful behaviours we adopt when a deeply embedded trigger occurs. These triggers are rooted in our assumptions, our beliefs and our values. Triggers occur in a wide variety of situations, including: high levels of stress, the desire to impress in a work meeting, feeling overwhelmed, a competitive situation, fear of judgement or failure, etc.
To avoid falling, or occasionally leaping, into the 'holes in our own sidewalk', we need to identify our triggers.
Once we understand our triggers, we can spot the ‘holes in our sidewalks’. We can skid to a halt in front of them, or edge around the outside. This is the first step to making a change. However, to create real, sustainable change we need to rethink our rules of engagement, and take a completely different path – one without ‘holes in the sidewalk’.
When you are thinking about the goals you want to set yourself for 2019, start by thinking about 3 key things:
• Where do you truly want to be in twelve months time, and beyond?
• Are you committed to the hard work to achieve this goal?
• Do you have the drive to take the first step?
Once you have identified your goals, think about the journey to reach them, and identify:
• What are your likely ‘holes in the road’? The behaviours which have stopped you achieving your goals in the past?
• What triggers lead you to them?
• What do you need to do to create a new path without these ‘holes’?